1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
