I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
