He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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