i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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