If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
