I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
