sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
