I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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