Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
