I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize