is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
