so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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