She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
