all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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