I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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