I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
