I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
