just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
