Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
