I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
