That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
