i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
