so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
