He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
