this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
