you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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