I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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