i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You are the jesus of drinking
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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