I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
