Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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