I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
