How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
