Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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