halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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