Old men and throwing up are my life now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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