About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
