I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
