So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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