just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
