Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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