Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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