I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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