Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
