Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
