Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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