Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
