i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
