best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
