I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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