I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i've created a new STD.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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