Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
