Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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