She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
