i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
