The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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