I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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