so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
