the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
