Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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