is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
